5 Relationship lessons That I’ll Never Forget
Relationships are hard and there are so many different kinds, Am I right? Well, I have had many as I am sure we all have and we tend to treat them all differently. Sure that makes sense to some extent but there are some universal rules I have come to live by that can be applied to most of the relationships in your life honestly.
I write a lot about relationships on my other blog Womanpulse so I thought, What the heck, let’s spread the wisdom far and wide! So I thought I would share five of the relationship rules I try super hard to live by. Not only do they help while you’re in a relationship but they can also help you make those tricky decisions before.
Our Own Expectations
More often than we would probably like to believe, we hold the people in our lives up to our own expectations. I am in no way saying it is wrong to have expectations but be reasonable. I learned the hard way that too many times people aren’t going to live up to them but even that my expectations were just way too high.
You have to ask yourself if the expectation is really for them or for you? Are you purposely setting the bar too high so it will inevitably break?
This is my personal favorite because unfortunately, I have been all too guilty of this. We will stick with relationships that aren’t working and do we even really know why? This can be romantic or friendship honestly. I think we really equate it too much with failure. Letting something go doesn’t mean you failed, it means all sorts of things but it doesn’t in any way negate the positive elements you shared with that person. Staying too long though just winds up being painful and destructive.
There Are No Coincidences
I have never been one to approach life with a closed heart. I hear so many people say they are swearing off men or women and love. Love is great and there are all kinds of love to embrace. Breakups do suck ALOT but everything heals and passes. I like to think that every person who has passed through my life was there for a reason. If you look closely you can even find the reason and be grateful.
One thing my first divorce taught me was that shutting down was not a viable option. I have done it, I have willingly put myself in a place that I thought was safe but what it became was empty and lonely. Don’t be that person. Feel all that you can, whenever you can.
Whats Important To You?
In any relationship, you have to establish what your core values are. What are those things that make it or break it for you? For me, there are two. Trust and Respect. We all know that relationships really can’t survive without trust, not for long. I guess I tend to be particularly difficult in this area.
To me trust is not just the important thing, it’s the only thing. If you have had your trust broken you know how devastating it feels. I admit that I have been in situations where that has happened and I have forgiven, even rebuilt, but to be totally honest once I stop trusting you eh it never really comes back, not all the way.
The best thing I ever heard about relationships came from my hero, Dr. Phil. He said that your relationship should be your soft place to fall. In other words, knowing that person whoever it may be, has your back, you are safe with them and even more than that you can be yourself with them.
A man once said to me, “Why can’t you just be normal?” yes it really happened! I admit I look perplexed. Instead of screaming hell no I can’t, I tried for a while to be his idea of natural and normal and it just didn’t work. Someone who asks you to change the core of you doesn’t love or respect you, they respect their own ideas and always will. Don’t ever dim your sparkle.
Savor The Moment
Lastly, something to chew on that may save your sanity. Stop having to have all the answers! Is he the one? How long will this last? blah blah blah. I am a planner so naturally, this has been a challenge for me at times. What ends up happening is you don’t enjoy right now. You can apply this to so many areas of your life.
At a point, I did this in all of my relationships, romantic and friendship. It is so much damn pressure. You force yourself and others to make promises no one can make because there’s no crystal ball in life.
Can you relate to any of these relationship rules? Let me know what you think!