Effective Ways To Deal With Anger Management
I was going to write about something completely different until a really serious conversation I had with a young family member who is barely in their teens. It was about how emotions get out of control and Anger Management. It really made me sad to have that conversation with someone so young who means the world to me because I understand the suffering involved
So sure as a teenager your emotions are through the roof but episodes of rage are a definite warning sign. Then I started thinking about us adults and myself in particular. Most who know me maybe wouldn’t believe that I have had anger management issues, I, too, was rather surprised myself. I believe there are times when we don’t see it and don’t want to believe it.
A few years after my divorce someone said to me that I seemed so angry. After the conversation I brushed it off, only to face the reality that it was true. Everything I had run from had now landed on my front door. I had to face the real ugly reality that I was having trouble managing anger and it was affecting all of my relationships.
I looked back at the many, many times my temper ran short or I got angry over ridiculous things. Even the thought of it made me angry, angry at my ex for the most part that he was still poisoning my life. It was at that moment I realized something needed to be done. At the time I couldn’t afford therapy so I found ways to deal with it that might help you too.
The Stigma Of Therapy
I wanted to first put out there that in no way am I suggesting anyone forego therapy. There is a stigma attached to Mental Health and therapy that just doesn’t make sense. I received therapy in my teens after a Sexual Assault that was beyond helpful and I highly suggest it.
That being said I found through my own research and practice way of coping with anger that are very effective:
Confront The Cause Of your Anger
The truth is most of us know why we are angry and we need to expose the causes in order to repair the damage. It doesn’t have to be justified, your feelings never do, you have a right to your feelings.
Forgiveness Is Good For The Soul
Because you forgive doesn’t mean you are wiping the slate clean. Forgiveness is for you because while you carry anger in your soul for another person you are carrying a burden that is just too heavy. I wrote letters to the people at the root cause of my anger which allowed me to get out my feelings and hand them back the burden
The Journal Of Truth
I have kept a journal since I was thirteen years old. When you have any kind of feeling whether its negative or positive it helps to get it out. Many people will only write when they feel angry but it actually is more effective for anger management to form the habit.
Write every day no matter what you are feeling and read it back. One useful practice I read in a book about Anxiety was to also write ways you could change the negative feelings into positive action.
My Peaceful Place
Everyone has a place that makes them feel relaxed. For me, it is the beach and the library. Books make me feel peaceful, I don’t really know why but you will always find books in my house. You need to really think about the place you feel calm and go there even if you’re not feeling anxious.
The Two Minute Rule
This is great for those quick bursts of anger when you will want to react and lash out. It usually isn’t a good idea, am I right? You take two minutes, take a step back from whatever is happening and do a quick two minutes of meditative breathing. Two breathes in and four breaths out.
When you go back to the situation you will be calmer and more able to react in a rational way. Anger management is really all about finding different ways to deal with a situation.
Anger feeds off of stress. You have to find your own ways of releasing stress. Exercise of any kind is a really excellent way to anger management and having an even keel all day long. I find that walking and yes, sex is the most effective. Even Dr. Oz agree that it is good practice to have sex three times a week.
Anger management is really all that difficult but you have to acknowledge the problem and be proactive and consistent in coping with it. How do you deal with anger?