Beat Down Your Fears Once And For All
Fears are what stop us from being amazing! It is the one thing that keeps us from being our true selves and who we are meant to be. It can also impact the life we might be meant to have but we get so lost in it can be hard to find a way out. I know this more than anyone.
I believe today in this somewhat late stage of the game I am finally coming to my true self. Perhaps that is the side effect of maturity, though I am loath to call myself a mature woman. I much prefer grown ass woman! It wasn’t always that way, in fact, over the years I have been afraid of many things whether it was my own thinking or the influence of others I struggled to overcome, but I did.
It wasn’t always the easiest but definitely worth it. So here I’ll share my experience and a few common fears and how to move on, it’s not as hard as you think.
What Is Your Biggest Fear?
Some years ago I had a pretty bad car accident and if I am being honest I have had car fear since I was a child. When I was small I refused to sit close to either door. When I got older I did drive out of necessity but I wasn’t happy about it. After the accident, the fear grew by leaps and bounds, maybe because of the recovery I endured.
I tried driving after and just found I couldn’t do it, I started having panic attacks so bad that my back would seize up while driving. Even being a passenger would make me crazy. I am happy to say that although I no longer drive, being in a car no longer fills me with dread. How? Well, self-talk mostly. My rational mind recognizes there is really nothing to be afraid of and I repeat in my mind until I feel it and it has really worked.
Are you a what-iffer? You know what I’m saying always worried about what could happen, the impending sense of doom. Because in the past I was a chronic worrier, all part of my need to control the universe, I constantly asked myself that question about everything.
Wanna know what I discovered? NOTHING HAPPENED.. nothing bad and the worst part nothing good either. When I crashed into my forties a lot of things became clearer like I was worrying about things I couldn’t possibly control and how stupid it was. It really was that simple I just stopped.
Your True Self
Often your true self can be a mystery to yourself even. There are things about my true self I always knew but denied because being different can be a singular path. I am different and I do think differently than many and I wanted to be liked and loved like everyone else so I thought I had to fit into the “normal” mode.
Here is what I found though, it was even lonelier because it kind of made all of my relationships deceptive and being different is possibly the best thing there is. After I started to embrace my true self and let my freak flag fly (so to speak) I found the right people for me. You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea or follow an idea you didn’t set yourself. Today I can honestly say I know exactly who I am, better late than never!
The Risk Of It All
How’s your sense of adventure? This may surprise you but I have never really been a risk taker, as a matter of fact, I have been the extreme opposite. There was a dark time in my life after divorcing Satan that I literally lost everything, yes that means barely a penny to my name, almost living on the streets so stability really was the only thing that drove me and if you’ve been poor you know what I’m saying.
The downside is if you don’t allow a little risk or adventure in your life you mine as well curl up in a ball and draw the shades. You will never know the true excitement of life if you don’t open yourself up to taking chances. I certainly wouldn’t be building my blogging empire otherwise.
Recent events such as my mother’s illness have just made me realize that complacency is perhaps the worst thing ever and truly not living. So take a few chances otherwise you may have a life not lived, safety can be strangling.
Failing is inevitable and part of the what-if syndrome. I can honestly say that failure is something I’m not afraid of. maybe because I have failed and more than once I know exactly what’s at the end of that. I have this motto I adopted some years ago “keep it movin”. It’s about never giving up, about getting up, dusting the dirt off your ass and moving forward no matter how badly you fall.
Even more damaging than the fear you cause yourself is the fear you let others cause to you. Those negative voices whispering in your ear. You tend to think that when you are away from them they disappear but they don’t and I can tell you it took me a long time to get past it.
I stayed in a damaging relationship way too long because I believed the bullshit, I believed that I couldn’t make it on my own, that I was nothing by myself, but I replaced those voices with my own reminding myself that I could do anything. Self-affirmation is perhaps the greatest gift you can give yourself.
Every day I tell myself how truly awesome I am and you should too and repeat it over and over until you believe it. If you don’t no one else will either. The answer to conquering fear can be as simple as just doing it or finding stress relieving coping tools and confidence builders that allow you will find the destiny you were meant to live.